Happy Solstice!

There has been too much stress surrounding this year's Holiday, and as hard as I try, I can't seem to calm down. I love Christmas and everything that goes along with it...normally. The anticipation is something I savor, and now with a near-three-year-old, it's supposed to be getting even better. I love giving gifts...especially home-made ones, or at least well-thought-out ones that I know someone will truly love and enjoy. But, this year, the "shoulds" and obligations are outnumbering the calm and joyful moments. I find myself running to and from town on a daily basis, which I dislike. I am feeling anxious and sleep deprived (yes, some of the latter is real), and feel as if the whole season has passed and I have not taken the time to contemplate the magic and meaning behind it all.

So, at least in the next few days leading up to Christmas, it is my goal to find the "calm and bright", beginning with the Solstice tonight. Every year I hope to begin a new tradition to share with our children, in hopes that they will learn to appreciate this day for what it is. But, once again, I have become so busy that there just isn't time. I suppose I have to be okay with that, and recognize that the most important things are that we are all healthy.

Last night was the first real snowfall in this area this winter, and Beck, Cora and I all went for a hike in the dark with a visiting friend. Everything was so quiet and serene and magical...just enough moonlight to see our way without a flashlight. It felt so good to slow down and just breathe...I wanted to stay out all night.
So...I have to remember...

All is calm. All is bright.

The Christmas Photo.

Photo time is hard to come by these days, and it was all I could do to get a decent shot for the Christmas card...Beck has developed a nasty case of the cheesy smile especially for the camera. The only way I could get a real one out of him was to tell him to tickle Cora.  But then he wasn't looking at the camera. Well...I can't have my cake and eat it too. We managed. Here it is:

Recent photos and three months old...

Oh how quickly everything happens and changes...three months old already? Absolutely not okay. Here are some images from Thanksgiving time, and one from the other day...I can't believe how fast it goes. You think I'd know by now. I get all panicky when I realize a week has gone by without taking one photo.

New Hampshire

Some pictures from our annual family week in the White Mountains...not as many photos this year as I'd like, but I had my hands a little full :)

Ham N' Cheese

Beck really is a ham these days...everything that comes out of his mouth is either extremely funny or strikingly profound. A while back, when asked what a Unicorn smells like (how we got on that topic is another whole post in itself), he replied: "It smells like the wind blowing through the trees". Where does a 2.5 year old come up with that stuff? Another time, when told he had "droopy drawers" because of his soggy diaper, he threw up his hands and said "I CAN'T because the drawers are in the kitchen!" Duh.


Cora smiles all the time now...except, of course, when I am trying to take her picture. She is sleeping really well at night (she's two months old now, and last night her first stretch was 7 hours), and sleeps well during the day as long as she's on a warm body.


And oh yeah...our neighbor has decided to install a mobile home that looks in through our dining room windows. Awesome.

Goodbye to babyboyhood...

"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you."
- Kahlil Gibran

Little helper

Beck loves to help these days, especially when it comes to bread making. I can only hope that the smell of baking bread is as lovely and welcoming a memory to him as it is to me. One of my strongest memories of my childhood are of many winter days at home, with my mother standing in the kitchen kneading bread dough, with music playing in the background. To this day, there is nothing more comforting to me than that scent combined with the memory itself. What a gift.

One is like one...

Someone once told me a quote that said "One is like one, two is like twenty". Only when you have two, can you truly understand what that quote means. For me, it's not the actual children that are difficult, it's the fact that there is no longer any such thing as "me time". Workouts? Forget it. Sleep? A thing of the past. Spouse? Just another name for a second set of hands. I am already feeling panicky at the fact that I have taken as little as 1/3 the amount of photos that I did of Beck after he was born. And for no other reason than there just isn't time. 


Anyhow...Cora is just about 5 weeks old now. I didn't think it was possible, but I think time picks up speed with each child. I can't believe it's already been this long. Her thighs are acquiring new rolls with every passing day, and the invisible rubber bands on her wrists are growing tighter and tighter. She is so alert, but like her brother, does not like to sleep anywhere but on someone. I am sure I wouldn't want to either, and I guarantee I'll look back and wish I had just given up on getting the dishes washed or the toys picked up, and just enjoyed that sweet baby breath on my neck. Although some days are harder than others, I am so grateful for such amazing and healthy children.


Her most recent checkup put her in the 96th percentile...just about where Beck was. We definitely do not specialize in small babies around here. Beck cracks us up every day with the things that come out of his mouth...I can't even begin to record them all. I feel as if all those little things are being missed because my attention is now split between two. I suppose all I can do is try my best to keep taking pictures and not grieve the moments that get passed by...

And life goes on...

  We are settling into life as a family of four quite nicely. Beck is absolutely the best big brother anyone could ever ask or hope for...not one little complaint out of him. No requests to "send her back". He seems very able to comprehend that we can no longer just drop everything at any given time to play...I think it actually upsets me more than it does him. Beck's favorite thing to do right now is go for hikes, and what once took us 5 minutes to prepare for, now takes an hour, a feeding, a diaper change, a baby carrier, a blanket and a lot of coordination. And he takes it all like a champ.

   We are sorely missing the presence of Judy, Doug's mother, however...it was like having a live-in nanny/housekeeper. With reluctance, I have watched as the house becomes something resembling a natural disaster, and I feel as if I am constantly waiting for that tipping point at which something such as illness combined with lack of sleep sends us into meltdown mode. However, for now, things are good. And we feel so fortunate to have two amazingly healthy and happy children :)

Welcome Cora!

      
       She's finally arrived! On September 19th, after a very short labor and delivery (2.5 hours start to finish!) and about three pushes, Cora Holly Welling "shot right out" (according to the doctor). A big difference from Beck's 25 hour labor. She weighed 8lbs 8oz, and was 19 inches long. She has a full head of thick dark hair, and is extremely alert! Just like her brother, she was due on the 17th, and came two days late. According to the pediatrician, Cora is "perfect". Yes, I might be biased, but at her 4 day checkup, she'd already grown 2 inches, and they didn't even bother to schedule the two week checkup because she was doing so well. Yes, I am bragging. Here she is!!

Happy Labor Day!

        Well, we thought it would be pretty sweet to go into labor on Labor Day, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. So, I'm walking around between 3 and 4 centimeters dilated, "ready to go" as the midwife puts it. I mow the lawn almost every day in hopes of getting things started, but apparently she's just not ready to come out. What's the saying? "A watched pot never boils"? Well, we're happy to at least have made it through the week Doug was gone to Canada, and I'm just selfishly hoping to be able to attend the Common Ground Fair this year. The weather has finally turned downright beautiful, after a heat wave of 90 degree + days. The nights are cool, and even though the sun is still warm, the air is dry and the breeze is even a bit chilly. Perfect!
         Assuming I don't get any more posts up before this kiddo is born, stay tuned for news of delivery and pictures. We're taking bets on her size...Beck was nearly 10 pounds, so let's hope in this case the second child is not always bigger. I'm estimating about 9 pounds right now...
   

New Territory

    Lately, I am struck by the sense of the fact that Beck will no longer be, and really is not any longer, a baby. I know I've said it before, but truly, this summer he has gone from toddler to little boy. There is a difference...for those of you who think they are one and the same: Beck can now fully entertain himself for hours at a time,  he actually tells us when he's ready for a nap, and we can carry on a pretty good conversation about anything. He loves to sing, mostly about trains, but it is sweet nonetheless. He asks Doug and I to make up songs about random topics, which Doug is quite good at, and will join us with lyrics that often make us tear up with laughter. (Yesterday, he asked me to sing "somewhere over the rainbow", and sang along with the only words being "Thomas, thomas, thomas, thomas...)
 
      So, as we say hello to a new baby and new challenges, we say goodbye to babyhood for Beck. I already miss it, his baby rolls and pink cheeks. He is exactly as he was in many ways...easy going and happy...but he sleeps through the night now :)


Doug has left for Canada for a week, which leaves me home alone with Beck for a week. Normally, not a big deal, but given that my body seems to be more ready for labor this time around, with three weeks to go, I am a bit nervous. We shall see what the upcoming days bring us...

Just another photo...

Just another photo I came across in a roll of medium format film I recently had processed. I think it's from last January or February. I just want to hug him. Also...I just realized this is our 100th post. How time flies...

6.5 weeks to go!

     The clock is ticking, but I'm still feeling pretty good! We've been taking advantage of the recent beautiful weather, and getting outside as much as possible...it's been a perfect four or five days of absolutely ideal Maine summer weather...dry and 70's. Two days ago, we took Beck to Bradbury Mountain State Park to see how he'd hold up to his first "mountain" climb, and he passed with flying colors! He made it all the way to the top without any help from us (about a mile of not-too-strenuous climbing), and then all the way back down again. We were so proud :) At the top we enjoyed a small picnic, and the "view", which Beck is still talking about. I think part of the incentive to get to the top and down again, was that we told him there was a playground at the end. In any case, he's becoming quite the hiker! 
       The baby room is coming along, though if it were up to me and my nesting instincts, it would have been complete a solid month ago. Baby girl Welling is kicking up a storm, and feels much more active than Beck was, even though my own energy levels have been much better this time around. She is sitting very very low, which means she is hanging out directly on my bladder much of the day. Needless to say, there are many trips to the bathroom during the night.
      I will probably post with more frequency now that the countdown is on...according to the experts, she can still gain up to four or five more pounds. Yikes. 

Mid Summer

Well, despite the humidity, it's been a beautiful summer so far. Our gardens look as if they are on steroids, and even the bugs haven't been so bad lately. As we prepare for little-girl-Welling, I am thankful once again for such an easy-going and amazing little boy in our lives. The days when I need a little extra rest on the couch, he's just as happy to sit and read books to himself quietly in the corner. And when I'm feeling good, he loves to be outside for as long as I need. He loves to be in the garden, and will happily eat beans, peas and zucchini directly off the vines.
    The baby room is now painted a soft yellow, and given where we were living before with only one bedroom, it's a joy to be able to give in to the nesting instinct a bit this time around. Beck is excited for his "baby sister", and reminds me often that my "belly is getting bigger and bigger and bigger!" 
    With about 8.5 weeks to go, I am feeling a little more anxious about getting things in order. Doug is competing in Ironman Canada about two weeks before I am due, so we are both keeping fingers crossed that she doesn't decide to come early :) And yes, we have a name picked out, but that's a surprise!
        

It's official.

I'm pregnant.

Change

We all know change can be tough, but it happens so often with children, daily it seems, that you have no choice but to get used to it. Or, take pictures as often as possible, like I do. The problem with that is that every time you reflect back on images you've taken, you are hit even harder with the fact that you can never get back what was. Sometimes I get panicky when I haven't taken any pictures in a while, and I realize all of a sudden that three weeks have passed, and I didn't document a single moment of it...and the only thing harder to handle than looking at photographs of passed days is feeling guilty because you don't have any.
     That's the way it's been the past month or so...I've totally fallen off my wagon. We even went and did the Lake Placid training camp that we do every year without bringing a camera. I was appalled at myself for not only seeing images as they were happening and not being able to capture them, but the fact that I even thought to bring the camera and then dismissed it! Oh what horrible mother am I. In my own defense, I am tired and pregnant and didn't want to have to look after a 2.5 year old AND a camera. But now, of course, regrets.
      In any case, the picture below was taken in May...back when we had a string of really nice days, and I got to the beach with Beck and it was a 20 degree difference. Burr. Looking at it makes me sad, already, for the little boy that he is and the toddler he is leaving behind. I suppose it's that I know, 20 years from now, this picture will make me REALLY sad, and I will long for the days when he was this age. But, I think that it's good to have those feelings...it brings us to appreciate the present perhaps a little more than we would. The ability to hang onto a moment in time with a photograph is such a gift. I know that in 20 years, I will be glad I took this photograph, and will hopefully still be able to remember what it's like to hold his little body in my lap, chattering about the seagulls and "smoke" in the air.
       So, all tears aside, there's a moral here: Take pictures. Lots of them. All the time.

Dirt.

Because our soil here doesn't allow for an in-ground garden, we've had to resort to raised beds if we want our own vegetables. Needless, to say, this project has consumed much of our time and resources lately. However, Beck is thrilled with the ridiculous amounts of dirt we've had in Grampa's truck over the past few days. Two days ago, he spent two straight hours playing in the bed of the pickup. We pride ourselves in the fact that we have given him every opportunity to play with toys that cross both genders...he has a dollhouse, and a kitchen, among other similar items. But, every day, it's the trains and the dirt and the trucks that capture his undivided attention.

Just a photo...

I was feeling a little nostalgic this morning, and as I was sifting through recent images, found this one. I loved the photo, but there was nothing necessarily special about it...just a photo of a moment in Beck's day. After a bit of photoshop work, I think I managed to sharpen the emotion I feel when I look at the image. The absolute innocence of it all makes me weepy.
       

Easter Photos!

A couple of our favorites from Easter morning at our house, but there are more to come! The top image is a summary of every time Beck saw an egg somewhere across the yard...an all-out sprint, usually with his mouth open wide. We managed to avoid any candy in our hunt this year...all the eggs were filled with either crackers (to which Beck exclaimed "Delicious!" with his mouth full) or stickers. At two years old, he was most interested in just finding the eggs!
     
         

Happy Spring Equinox!

Best intentions, I guess..this post is from last week but is just now making it onto the blog. Whoops. Well, I, for one, am thrilled at the past week's unseasonably warm temperatures. It was 70 degrees yesterday! It's down to 45 today, but I'm not going to complain. Doug and I have been busy with yard work and spring cleanup (and pulling ticks off Kona, and picking up garbage the previous owners left...). I am feeling much better now physically, and am more than happy to have some of my energy back. We recently installed a fence out next to the road...it at least creates the illusion of privacy from our four-wheeling, snowmobiling, 6am target-practicing neighbors. Well, we have one fantastic neighbor, and the rest mostly keep to themselves...but there's always one... Doug is preparing for Ironman Canada, which is about two weeks before I am due with our second child, and one week after he has started school. We really like to make things exciting around here. If you'd like to take a guess, we have a poll going as to the gender of the baby over on the right hand side. Beck is chatting up a storm, and often comes out with the most hysterical lines I have ever heard in my life. He has a slight lisp, which is quite endearing, and still speaks with a singsong voice that melts both our hearts on a daily basis. He is, quite honestly, the most amazing two year old I've ever met...he can be reasoned with, does not have meltdowns, and is happy happy happy all the time. At one point, I decided to do a "time out" when he began throwing things when he was done with them, or frustrated. I had to do the "time out" three times, and he has never thrown another thing. He never says "no", and is just so good all the time! I am not stretching the truth even one little bit... Anyhow, enough bragging. Things are quickly getting busy around here, and our weekends will soon be swallowed up by training camps, weddings, races, and other commitments. I am having a difficult time (as I did with Beck) not being able to get out and bike or run...walks just don't give me the same endorphin release. But, it will go by quickly, I am sure. Stay tuned for more updates!

The gift of an ordinary day

Have you ever had a moment of clarity? I mean real clarity; when all of a sudden all of your senses converge to produce a feeling of such happiness that you just know that this was the life you were supposed to lead? That's not to say I don't have bad days now and then, or that I don't ever feel like more of a boring housewife than ever existed...but every so often, I think we are given a sign that we are on the right path. Or, at least headed in that general direction. Tonight, after a truly wonderfully average day, where I cooked and cleaned and made pinecone (or "pinecone-is" as the plural is to Beck these days) and peanut butter birdfeeders with Beck, Doug came home. It was nearing dark, and we all went outside for various reasons...Doug had brought home a small webber charcoal grill (old fashioned, but yay!) that needed assembling, and Beck wanted to show him the "birdfeeders" hanging in a nearby tree, and I had to bring in the laundry that, for the first time this year, had been hung out to dry. Perhaps it was the recent days doses of sunshine, or the fact that Doug commented on the fact that he loved my outfit (unlaced hiking boots, dirty handprint-stained skirt, apron, scarf and "chore jacket"), who knows. But, as I stood dropping clothespins and clothes into their respective bins, the wind took my skirt and it was like getting a hug from a dear friend. Doug and Beck were laughing in the background, and despite the wind, it was quiet. There were no gunshots from our neighbor (alas, these are frequent), no dogs barking, and even the distant drone of traffic from the highway was silent. A moment of absolute peace brought me such happiness, and in that moment, there was nothing I could do but smile, and realize that I had just stepped into my own life, and loved it. I sometimes forget that these ordinary days are the ones that are the most important, in which every small task, however mundane and repetitve, is done with love. I recently read a quote which said something to the effect of "it's not the blowout trip to Disney that kids remember...it's the daily walk to the mailbox, or the scent of homemade soup cooking in the kitchen, and even the nightly bath." So, here's to the ordinary days, and the small things done with great love.

"Normal Day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.

Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow." - Mary Jean Irion

Ordinary Days

This post contains no photos, just so you know. But nonetheless, I feel it is an important one. Like it or not, this blog has become more of a journal than I ever intended it to. I thought this was all about Beck, his milestones, changes, and growth...and it is still. But, as our lives become more and more entwined as a family, his milestones and changes become ours. He is now the center of our lives, and sometimes, it is only in looking back that we (I) can truly see how quickly time passes, and how much I already ache to have his little boy-ness back again. I feel sad in realizing that I can't remember his laugh from a year ago, or the subtle baby gestures, or his smell...except for what I have written on this blog. Some days are hard, as all parents can attest to. The range of emotions in the span of one day is impossible to fathom...everything from awe and pride to boredom and frustration, and ultimately to Love. Sometimes, it can be hard to take a step back and just enjoy the day. I found a wonderful post from another mother and talented writer, who perfectly summed up, for me, what it is to be a mother:

"...By the time the movie is over, it's almost midnight. I finish packing the swimming bag for the morning. The towels were already ready -- they were yesterday's, already dry and folded. The suits are hanging on pegs by the front door. I add a change of clothes for both children, tuck the sunscreen and goggles back into their respective pockets. As I fold the now-clean towels from today and set them aside for Friday morning, I realize that Friday is our last day of swimming lessons for the summer. It makes me a little bit wistful, knowing that I'm folding the last towels of the season. It occurs to me, as I take my vitamins, brush my teeth, and turn out the lights, that packing the swimming bag is love. It seems so simple, so obvious. But it's really love. It's one of the many small and not-so-small things that I do every day, out of love.

My life is both lonely and very full; it's both average and extraordinary. Yesterday's drudgery might be today's blessing -- or, perhaps, the other way around. It can be so easy to lose sight of these everyday blessings in the midst of hard work, a crying baby, arguing children, chaos, boredom, exhaustion, distractions. We want every day to offer an epiphany, a moment of catharsis, or peace, or contentment. But some days don't seem to offer anything at all.

Here's the secret: it's not easy. It will never be easy. It's much easier to fall into the trap of sleepwalking through these ordinary days, not realizing that, like each tree in a forest or pearl on a necklace, each one is both part of the whole, and a unique treasure of its own.

A wise friend of mine remarked recently, "The way you spend your days is the way you spend your life."

Here's to spending each day mindfully, living fully, loving with our whole hearts. "

Future Olympian

Not that we have extremely high hopes for him or anything, but, Beck does love to ski. Even with barely any snow on the ground, he's on them whenever we can get outside. Mostly he just shuffles along, but he tries to use the poles, and we can usually get a solid laugh out of him if we push from behind and let him glide. On the second-child front, he still looks at us like we're crazy when we talk about mama having "a baby in her belly". Mostly he just sees that I'm too exhausted on many days to play as hard as usual.

We're Back!

We're back...I swear it this time. Mostly because we have another addition on the way, and it's been so much fun to look back over the past two years with Beck. So, we're taking suggestions on the new blog name... "Four Wellings" is right up there. It seems like Beck has aged a hundred years since we last posted...his vocabulary, though still a bit rusty, has expanded to include two and three word phrases. His realization that he can get away with more than he previously thought has allowed a whole new potential for reaction from his parents. There is never a dull moment in this new house of ours.