A Secret.

I have a confession to make. It's not a pretty one...although, I suppose in the grand scheme of things, it's not that bad. Only my husband knows the true extent of this little secret of mine, and only then because he's walked in on me, uh...indulging.

Christmas.

I just love it. (Come on...minds out of the gutter, people.) Seriously...it begins the day after Halloween. And it really does not have anything to do with presents (although, I have figured out that I get a small endorphin hit when I have either made or found something that I think someone else will really love)...or anything to do with religion, or the glittery commercialism that one usually associates with this time of year. But nonetheless, I begin playing Holiday tunes (mostly ambiguous ones having more to do with the changing of the seasons than anything else, but "Rudolph" usually makes an appearance at some point) sometime around November 1st. I start making wrapping paper with the kids. I plan Christmas breakfast. I pour over the magazines. The decorating usually begins waaay before Thanksgiving, because, you know, the day after Thanksgiving is too late. I think it's the anticipation...of the first snow, of happy family, traditions, etc.

Anyhow...on the flip side of all this, is that there is always kind of a crash after the high. And, to be honest, last year felt really frantic, and I was too stressed out to really enjoy those few weeks before the official holiday is over. That is horribly disappointing to someone just adores everything about Santa and all the magic that comes with he and his entourage.  This year I set out to create my own definition of what this whole Christmas season thing means to me, and more importantly, what I want it to mean to our children. A big part of this is creating family traditions that have more to do with an appreciation of the changing of seasons and the Solstice (for me, the latter has become very important, as every winter gets harder...I long for sunlight and warmth by the time January rolls around). It gives new meaning also to older traditions (such as candles in the windows = the return of light, or light in the darkest, longest part of winter). This year, we have also done our best to adopt a "make it or bake it" motto for gift giving and receiving I feel that this last part is particularly important, because it truly symbolizes what this time is all about...love. Much more time and love is put in to a gift that is made, rather than bought.

Well, enough ramblings for now. Here are a few photos of what Beck and Cora have been up to lately. They actually play together quite well now, and will often peak around the corner to see them huddled over a book or puzzle together. Cora loves the stairs. She also loves to dress up now...she will bring us scarves, hats, necklaces, halloween costumes...anything...for us to put on her. And then she swishes back and forth and gets this silly smile on her face when we tell her she looks beautiful. Really, is a 14 month old capable of so much personality? (P.S. photo disclaimer - yes, some of these are really bad and blurry...but in Beck's words "sometimes that happens".)

 

Lately.

Lately I have been feeling somewhat melancholy. Not depressed, just a little sad for all the things passing by. The seasons, the growth of my babies, the earliest stages of motherhood...who knows if Cora is our last, but two seems like a nice round number, and with that decision comes a feeling akin to mourning. In recent discussion with another mom, we talked about what happens next. The biological urges don't just go away, and yet what is our purpose now? As days filled with wiping runny noses, applying bandaids, reading books, meal making, and general tending carry on, I have to think it is natural for a mother to wonder what the days ahead hold. When we are no longer standing barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, what's next? It's scary and thrilling all at the same time. But mostly a little sad.  I have my passions, and things I like to do outside of mothering, but there's a sense of purpose that comes with your body being available to another human being 24 hours a day. I feel this way every fall, as we head into a time of darkness and hibernation, but it always takes me by surprise.

Anyhow...Halloween this year was preceded by a nasty cold for all of us (and a crazy huge snowstorm), so it was all we could do to pull Beck's "spider" costume together last-minute. However, his spiderweb cape turned out beautifully, and he loves it, which is all I can ask for! Cora dressed (warmly) in Beck's hand-me-down pumpkin costume.

Lately...